Jesus Christ

"Lucas plans a live-action "Star Wars" TV series as well, and he's also looking into re-releasing the six "Star Wars" films using new 3-D technology."

Jesus fucking Christ. I cannot understand the logic behind an artist (term used loosely) repeatedly returning to one of their former works, in attempts to exploit it. I mean, Immortal made Sons Of Northern Darkness, then BROKE THE FUCK UP, realizing they could never top it. For real, what the piss? You want to add another song/dance number to the cantina scene because kids will like it? Great. Make a FUCKING kids movie then. (You know, like one where ten or fifteen Jedi children aren't viciously murdered for no reason.)

I guess it had to come to this, considering 3-D is about the only bad movie cliche the Star Wars franchise hasn't been rectally violated with yet. That and Harry Dean Stanton.





Fuck this asshole.

Six Reasons 'Click' Is A Waste Of Your Fucking Time

• Adam Sandler Is In It
  Seriously, fuck him. He hasn't been relevant for at least ten years, if fucking that. And the "shitty movie with Christopher Walken as a weird creepy guy" quota was filled with Joe Dirt. And pretty much every movie he's ever been in, sans Annie Hall.
  
  
• It's Bullshit Pseudo-Inspirational Storyline
  For fucks sake, anyone that is in danger of "fast forwarding through their lives" is doing it by watching this shit anyway, so there's a target audience they've missed. And plus, what the fuck does he even miss by fast forwarding through his life? Like he was going to have a fantastic, eye-opening experience between ignoring his wife and bullshitting his kids for the rest of his life? Oh, boo hoo, he missed his fathers death. He missed raising his kids. Shut. The. Fuck. Up. People do this everyday, a fucking Adam Sandler movie will not change this in the slightest, namely because if they're watching this flick, they've given up hope of having anything resembling a life already. Case in point, my mother.
  
  
• The Awful, Patronizing Use Of The Fiend Skull
  Okay, so in a brief flashback scene, Sandler is wearing a J. Geils Band shirt, and in the background, a "punk" kid's leather jacket is seen, featuring a very large Fiend Skull. Also, they're listening to The Cranberries. The song they were listening to is "Linger", released in 1993. NOW, I highly fucking doubt there was a huge surge in Misfits popularity in 1993, at least enough to warrant prime placement on a leather jacket of a bar-going punk. Also, J Geils had been broken up for about seven years at this point, so, really, do you need another reason to hate the fuck out of Adam Sandler?
  
  
• Sean Astin Fucks His Wife
  Okay, seriously, no problem with this at all, I just would like to call attention to it, because it's fucking hilarious.
  
  
• Despicable Use Of "Man In Fat Suit" Technology
  Alright, you got me. There has never been a good use of a man in a fat suit, so this is a really redundant point. The not-so-subtle "IF YOU COAST THROUGH LIFE YOU WILL GET FAT, FUCKERS" overtones make this more embarrassing than usual. No, we get it, he got fat because he wasted his life, it's funny. Shut the fuck up.
  
  
• Re-Used Family Guy Jokes
  The bane of my goddamned existence. The Bed, Bath, & Beyond joke is not funny, will never be funny no matter how many people use it. Bed, Bath, & Beyond is a heinous corporation, responsible for destroying McKnight Lanes. FUCKING KINGPIN, my God. Also, went to a birthday party there when I was ten, and had friends, and they fucking ruined it.
  

It's Five Ante Meridiem.

I'm awake, watching There's Something About Mary because I need something that won't make me think. Prior to this awe-inspiring cinematic achievement, I was watching a documentary on Ingrid Newkirk, the founder of PeTA. And, of course, it had the obligatory scenes featuring animal abuse, and it made me sick to me stomach. Which is odd, because that isn't usually the reaction I have to materials like that.

I turned it off soon after that, watched Boondocks, and now I'm viewing Matt Dillon's finest non-Coppola film.

I sometimes wish I wasn't such a fucking asshole.

Give Me A Hard Copy, Right There.

Inaugural post.

My mission statement: To say as much silly shit as possible, so I don't have to think it anymore.

Commence.